Sweet September

Friends in need are friends indeed

By Astrid Stellanova

Virgo, close your eyes and think of Mars! You’re not a Martian, but this is where your energy lies. Known as good communicators, you are attracted to professions that demand a stage. Fellow Virgos include Kobe Bryant, Charlie Sheen, Mother Teresa, Sean Connery, Richard Gere, Pippa Middleton, and Lance Armstrong. Shew-we, Baby Doll, you know how to make entrances and exits, and sure look just as good going as coming!  — Ad Astra, Astrid

Virgo (August 23–September 22)

Thoughtful and sincere you are, and that is your calling card, Sugar. You care about your fellow man and we know it. Friendships are golden, and this year makes that clear to all closest to you. You and your inner circle are about as tight as bark on a tree or a tick on a hound dog. This makes your life a whole lot sweeter, and the world an itty bit better knowing you are in it. Now, be alert to a communication. It will need your attention and will pay off to boot.

Libra (September 23–October 22)

What happened wasn’t fair, and you knew it, but life has offered some very sweet compensations for your troubles. The stars look a whole lot better this month, and an even better opportunity pops up on the horizon. That person that causes you grief? About the only thing you share is you both breathe air, Baby.

Scorpio (October 23–November 21)

Aw, c’mon. You didn’t orchestrate world peace, but then, you didn’t fire a missile at North Korea. Here’s what you can do in your own little corner of the world. Turn off the telly and take a walk. Leave the office. Bay at the moon if you wanna. But don’t treat the checkout line at Harris Teeter like it’s the suicide prevention line.

Sagittarius (November 22–December 21)

You’ve been looking like you lost your platoon, but Sugar, you might need to know this little tidbit: You at least have a clue where you are going. Those around you don’t. Stop following the lost and take back control; you have some valuable intel and plenty of people who would give you a helping hand.

Capricorn (December 22–January 19)

Your give-a-damn meter is broken, Darling. Everybody is cracking up, watching you square your shoulders and standing up for yourself. About time, they are saying to themselves. Before you tangle with the boss/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/manager of 7-Eleven step back and get a grip. You’ve made your point.

Aquarius (January 20–February 18)

As things are slowly being revealed, you keep your peace and watch it play out. You think you are completely subtle, but Sugar Pie, you’ve been giving them catfish eyes and everybody noticed. Until the game is over, wear shades. Meantime, an investment in something you know a good bit about is worth a closer look.

Pisces (February 19–March 20)

A bestie has risen up in life, and they act like they think they’re the manager at Jo-Ann Fabrics. Indulge them a little. They need your kind words because what you say and think matters more to them than anything. Meanwhile, be mindful of your health and check your craving for Blue Bell ice cream.

Aries (March 21–April 19)

Summer has taken the air out of your sail, and you’re feeling it. By the time you settle yourself down in a chair and take a rare break and a deep breath, it’s a lot like Zeus sucking the oxygen out of the room. Honey, you have no clue that your idle is a lot of folks’s high gear. Read a book; take a nap. Give us a break, why dontcha?

Taurus (April 20–May 20)

You’ve ignored mending fences because you just cannot admit to your stubborn self that you had a role in the breakdown. Now you gotta choose: Would you rather be happy, or would you rather be right? This ain’t Dr. Phil talking; we all know you don’t need this person like they need you. So go for the high road.

Gemini (May 21–June 20)

Just when you thought your achy breaky heart was done for, good fortune smiled. It’s like that for you; you take to your bed, moping and moaning, and then the sun shines again. Honey, you are going to like the astral forecast because you get lucky on so many levels it ain’t even real. The odds break in your favor.

Cancer (June 21–July 22)

You’ve got a concealed weapon that has a whole lot of power: your never-fail charm. It’s often concealed because you know that you could rely upon it too much and be less authentic, but you are better than that. There’s a sneaking suspicion building up that you are more intuitive than you knew.

Leo (July 23–August 22)

Here’s a snapshot: you get up from a nap, roar a little, then fall back onto the sofa. Snap outta this cycle, you lazy feline. Time to move out and do your own hunting. The object of your considerable desire is prone to change, so focus, Sugar, focus. By feeding time, you will have the meal you deserve.

For years, Astrid Stellanova owned and operated Curl Up and Dye Beauty Salon in the boondocks of North Carolina until arthritic fingers and her popular astrological readings provoked a new career path.