OUT OF THE BLUE

My reputation as an anti-tech — or at least a suspicious subscriber — is well-documented. My computer, a desktop, has a tower, a monitor, a printer and a big-button keyboard. The buttons are yellow. I adore it. My new TV streams but I don’t, although I have listened to a few podcasts, previously known as radio. The horror on colleagues’/friends’ faces when they learn the only apps on my simple cellphone are for airlines is almost comical. Like, if I want to watch Duke basketball, it won’t be from the dentist’s waiting room or a park bench. Ditto a movie.

I’d look silly laughing at Robin Williams as Mrs. Doubtfire on a 3-inch screen. Marlon Brando doesn’t shrink well either. Nor does Kindle own the right heft.

Cellphones are magical inventions that have revolutionized communication. Their tendency, however, to fill every minute of our waking hours with some fact or sound or image leaves me exhausted. Several years ago, I encountered the ultimate: “fine art” channels that stream paintings into and out of a TV hanging over the mantelpiece. They appear, pause, then march off.

That reminded me of how important backgrounds are when “hanging pictures.” Also, the subjects of wall art whether paintings, photos, collections, artifacts. After 17 years of profiling Moore County’s most stunning homes, let me pass along display methods shared by interior designers and homeowners:

Don’t crowd. Give a big piece its own wall, which can be small, to accentuate the painting’s bigness.

Try leaning small frames against the wall, from a narrow shelf.

In a grouping, vary the size of individual pieces.

Think twice before displaying nudes or dead animals, especially with children in residence.

Go 3-D with baby dresses, costumes, dolls enclosed in a deep frame or shadowbox. No better place for a Japanese kimono than a living room wall.

Save family photos for a hallway, to encourage up-close viewing. Number the photos and post identification at the end: “Mom and Dad do a London pub, circa 1985.”

A bathroom is perfect for cartoons or old magazine covers. One homeowner plastered her entire guest powder room with New Yorker covers, which she had saved for the purpose. Another had a life-sized cardboard President George W. Bush welcoming guests. The replica of a dear departed cocker spaniel curled up in his wire crate seemed a bit much.

Before selecting a wall, sit down on nearby chairs and sofas to check line of sight. Same for shafts of sunlight. 

Art in the kitchen is uber-trendy, especially flowers and vegetables, like a basket of shiny purple eggplants or a sliced tomato oozing juice. You can’t go wrong with grazing Holsteins. Antique kitchen implements suspended from pegs work. Use metal or glass pitchers, a blue enamel campfire percolator for vases. I have seen a pizza-shaped clock.

Frame or dry-mount a favorite recipe in Granny’s handwriting. Hang a small blackboard near the back door for messages that won’t fit into a text.

But back to the fine art slide show continuing its march over the mantel, the paintings colorful as pastries in a cafeteria line — I’ll take the apple crumb pie, please, with a scoop of vanilla.