Some local translation required
By Renee Phile
I asked my boys to help me write this. At first, I was met with “Ugh,” and “I don’t like to write — you do,” and “I already have enough homework.” After I coerced them with Christmas music and hot chocolate with marshmallows, they obliged, sort of.
Nestled in, armed with my questions, pens, and Christmas ambiance, here’s what they had to say:
David — age 14.
What does Christmas mean to you?
To me, Christmas is a time to see family and eat good food. It’s also fun to spend time and do activities with people. Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without Grandma Jean spinning around the house making dinner.
What he really meant: I like to eat.
What do you like about Christmas?
I like the snow and the feeling where you just relax and have fun watching Christmas movies. The Christmas church service. All of it is a good time. I like seeing Grandma Jean getting ready for dinner. She makes good dinner.
What he really meant: I like to eat.
Speaking of movies, do you have a favorite Christmas movie?
Elf.
What he really meant: Elf is funny and it’s not in black and white and old like It’s a Wonderful Life.
What foods do you like to eat over Christmas?
Ham, corn, beans, turkey, potatoes, stuffing, and candy canes. Sometimes overcooked ham.
What he really meant: I’m omnivorous.
Do you have a favorite Christmas memory?
My favorite Christmas memory is being at Grandma Jean’s and having everyone there and eating and having fun.
What he really meant: I really, really like to eat.
What is another favorite memory?
Another one is being at Pop’s church at nighttime when it snowed and we ate dinner at the church. Also, one time Nanny overcooked the ham and it was hard to eat, but I still ate it.
What he meant: I will eat absolutely everything in sight.
What about a funny memory?
Hmmm . . . I can’t think of one. Wait, one time my dad gave me a present and accidentally wrote “dad” instead of Santa, so he crossed it out and it looked like this: Dad Santa
What he really meant: It’s still worth giving Santa the benefit of the doubt.
What are your thoughts on Santa?
Well, I don’t like him because he’s fake.
What he really meant: I may still believe in Santa . . . a little.
Anything else you want to add?
I will be glad to be away from school for three weeks.
What he really meant: I’m stuck with my brother for three weeks. I’ll miss my friends and maybe even my math class.
Kevin — age 9.
What does Christmas mean to you?
Critmas means to me that Jesus was born.
What he really meant: Critmas means to me that Jesus was born.
What do you like about Christmas?
I like that you are able to have time off school (of course) and that you get to spend time with family and get presents and that reminds me this year could you get me Minecraft Legos?
What he really meant: I really really want some Minecraft Legos.
Do you have a favorite Christmas memory?
When I was in kinder garden we got to make an ornament and watch the polar ‘spres and have hot chokolet.
What he really meant: I like hot chokolet.
Do you have a funny Christmas memory?
There aren’t anything funny about Christmas that I know of.
What he really meant: There aren’t anything funny about Christmas that I know of.
Is there a food you enjoy over Christmas?
Yes, I like Critmas cake and Critmas cookies.
What he really meant: I like Critmas cake and Critmas cookies.
Do you have a favorite Christmas movie?
Yes it is the polar ‘spres.
What he really meant: Polar ‘spres is the best movie in the world.
What are your thoughts on Santa Claus?
The only thout about Santa Clause is that he is nice and caring.
What he really meant: I hope Santa Clause brings me Minecraft Legos.
Do you have anything else you want to add about how you feel about Christmas?
Yes the fackt that I like carol of the bells song.
What he really meant: The fackt is that I like carol of the bells song.
I tried to sneak in a few questions after they had finished their “assignments,” but they thought that would mean extra credit, which meant more hot chocolate and as Kevin suggested, Critmas cake. PS
Renee Phile loves being a mom, even if it doesn’t show at certain moments.
