PLEASURES OF LIFE

Acronyms these days are driving me OOMM. Out of my mind. There is a new one every day. Prolific as mosquitoes, they buzz around and are joined by others, both old and new, like some strange alphabetic mating ritual.

“BRB,” I heard someone say. “What?” I asked. “Be right back,” she repeated for my benefit, with just a hint of pity in her voice. They’ve cracked the seal on print and text and have invaded speech, turning it into a game of Hangman.

The acronyms of my youth came from postal letters: PS added after a signature meant “postscript” to signify an additional thought. Is this the granddaddy of them all? The AOA? The Australopithecus of acronyms? I remember notes and letters that ended with the acronym SWAK. “Sealed with a kiss.” Oh, how sweet. And even later still, letters signed TSTSA: “Too sweet to sleep alone.” Naughty, naughty.

Next thing I know it’s OMG everywhere I looked. Oh My God. I admit, I heard that one before I saw it. LOL. That one showed up in an email. Lots of love? Lots of luck? Oh, right. Laugh out loud.

Are we really so busy with texts and emails that the entire word has been rendered obsolete? Reader’s Digest (RD to you), a stalwart American institution of reasonably good taste, recently devoted a whole page to . . . acronyms, replacing the page usually devoted to vocabulary. Codes taken from everywhere, every day. Acronyms that most everyone would (or should) know: TBD (to be determined); ESL (English second language); GMO (genetically modified organism); ROM (range of motion); SPF (sun protection factor); TMI (too much information). I thought I was getting the hang of it until I got to SEP (someone else’s problem) and the last one on the page, JGI. JGI?

Just Google it.

It seems every profession has its own acronyms. Real estate ads have WICs — walk in closets. Book reviewers have ICPID — I couldn’t put it down. Wedding planners never know what to do with the MOG — mother of groom.

Lurking in our everyday, text-heavy world are ones like FWIW (for what it’s worth) or ICYMI (in case you missed it). There is even an online magazine by that five-letter name. Poor thing. Personally, I’d rather spell it out like National Geographic. And, oh, wouldn’t I love to go back in Time?

If an acronym has you totally stumped and you have to ask someone, you might as well paste the scarlet L (thumb and forefinger) on your own forehead — Loser. Face it, you’re hopelessly OOTL (out of the loop). Horrors. You may, from time to time, come across someone who will laugh kindly and decode the acronym for you. This is a WW (win-win). You get to go on your way with a brand new bit of alphabet slang to hang on your belt and then part company with the satisfaction of having behaved like the Good Samaritan.

Recently I sent an email responding to an upcoming event I planned to attend. At the end I added LW.

My recipient fired back, “What is LW?”

Lord Willing.

I thought everybody knew.